These days, world leaders are meeting in Davos. I have been able to listen to the first speeches, and I was moved by Liu He’s. The vice premier of China mentioned on 11 occasions that it is very important to maintain world peace. What he forgot to say was that to achieve this, the most urgent thing is to stop Xi Jinping. He also said that they are managing the pandemic very well. That is true, if their objective is to kill the whole planet.
Joe Biden didn’t go to Davos this time and no one will know the difference. When he is there, he manages to understand nothing anyway. Someone who did not want to miss the party is John Kerry, who this time has innovated and surprised everyone by saying that the planet is running out of time. In my opinion, the subsequent statements made by the planet are more interesting: “John Kerry is running out of time.”
European Commission head Ursula von der Leyen is an expert in offering wrong solutions to wrongly identified problems. After a speech in which she attacked Biden because his Inflation Reduction Act hurts the European Union, she proposed the creation of a European Sovereignty Fund to subsidize even more green energy. Luckily, no one in Europe has backed the idea, and they won’t until countries finish spending the Next Generation money, the European post-pandemic recovery plan that consists, in short, of frying us with green taxes and then subsidizing climate nonsense with the money. Surprise: the economic recovery plan does not contemplate anything that might be useful for economic recovery. I don’t know, the EU is looking more and more like a therapy group for global warming junkies in which all participants relapse again and again.
There are still a lot of bigwigs left to speak at Davos, but I can give you a preview of what they’re going to say. Ninety percent of those present will say things like “The cries of the planet must be heard,” “Time is running out,” “now or never,” “The most dangerous terrorist is plastic,” and “Car drivers should spend the rest of their lives in prison.” Everyone will respond in chorus, “Let’s raise green taxes!” And for the rest, the different world leaders will once again talk about the terrible conjunction of crises: inflation, the climate crisis, political instability, recession, food shortages, and the war in Ukraine, which will lead us once again to a scenario of death and destruction. (Huge yawn.) Um, well, you know, the apocalypse. (Another yawn.)
As for solutions, Davos will propose the following: “cooperation,” “solidarity,” “sustainability,” “resilience,” and “compromise,” whatever all that means, and finally the attendees will get back on the private jet and return home, but not before having a good culinary orgy well washed down with Bordeaux wines. It’s boring as hell to be a master of the world.
Nobody will pay any attention to what they say in Davos because, at the end of the day, while they solve the world’s problems with their wisdom and good work, the rest of us have to foot the bill, pay taxes, get drunk, and do all those things that those of us who are rich and arrogant do, although not as much as them.
I dream of the day that someone in Davos will go off script and start the speech with, “Dear friends, great news, it’s going great!” Or that someone from their podium will look up at the media and exclaim, “Hey, let’s do a test to see if anyone is listening: man has never caused global warming!” Or even that someone with a sense of humor would ask the question we’re all asking ourselves: “Can anyone prove that Ursula von der Leyen and John Kerry are not the same person? It is impossible that there are two people in the world capable of saying exactly the same nonsense.”
Yes, folks, Davos is Groundhog Day. But Bill Murray was much funnier than Antonio Guterres possessed by the spirit of Greta Thunberg. To quote Aristotle or Socrates, I can’t remember which: “You can all go to hell.”
Translated by Joel Dalmau.